The lighter way to real leverage & lasting Self-Design
Because play is how we learn best.
It’s embodied learning. You get to experience the thing you’re trying to learn, rather than merely read or think about it. It’s a sensory-rich input to your nervous system, which tends to land quicker, deeper, and stick around longer. Instead of relying only on logic and rote repetition, you recruit sight, sound, touch, feel — a more direct plug into your mind’s OS.
Still fun — just intentional.
The play part in our case refers to the lightness of the method AND is its secret sauce. You can totally (and with no strings attached) read through what I share below and never need another self-change tool. In fact technically that’s my deepest hope for our interaction here.
But — you may also fall in a small sub-set of peeps who are wired to seek more. Who enjoy time in isolation down some useful rabbit holes.
If you’re one of us — hello, Alice.
You will likely want to go deeper. Which is why I want to explicitly ask you to start here — start with play. After, we’ll have plenty of opportunities to explore more. For now — you owe to yourself the shortest root to discovery and alignment confirmation.
Whenever we’re exposed to a new or unfamiliar way of doing things, there’s usually a lot to take in. First, a lot has to land. Then it has to land in the right way for you to get it — enough to want to try things for yourself, and decide honestly: Is this thing for me?
And in my 30-or-so years of fascination (and experience) with behaviour change in real life, this is the only route I’ve found that is both efficient and sane: let people experience something for themselves in a way that makes change easier to feel, test, then trust quickly.
So in the spirit of efficient effectiveness, this page is here to make it easier for you to move from reading about Inside-Out Self-Design (IOSD) to actually trying your own version of it and seeing what happens.
This Play version is one practical entry point into Inside-Out Self-Design — the broader lens through which I explore how inner wiring and outer expression can work together to create more aligned change.
But, before we dispel this little cue — a quick note:
My writing has its own gait. The odd quirk. A turn of phrase that may not always ‘stand to attention’ in perfect grammar formation. If that creates a slight rub for you, I ask for a little patience. Read for substance first. Because while my style won’t appeal to everyone, the value of my information is solid — and has the potential to change how you see your self-development efforts, and yourself within your world.
I promise quality. I can’t promise I’ll make you laugh, or pull you elegantly from one literary open-loop to another before revealing, the priceless who-done-it.
Now — first things first — read the Inside-Out Self-Design Ethos page to get up to speed with the main characters (concepts) in this play. Then only come back here — so we can move on from the same mindspace.
Let’s See How This Play-Thing Actually Works
I’ve already said a lot, so this section is here to carry you through the method with just enough detail to let you start. We can analyse the deeper logic later. And if at any stage you want the underlying architecture, remember to head over to the IOSD Ethos page.
Step 1: Pick What You Want to Focus On
You may already know what you want to begin to change. If you do — lovely. If not, there are two easy starting points:
Option 1: pick a value you want to experience or pay more conscious attention to in your life right now.
Option 2: pick a repeating situation in which you want to feel or respond differently.
For option 1, a simple example might be love — most of us hold it dear, even if we don’t always name it the same way. Or perhaps what you want more of is joy.
For option 2, you might choose something like feeling more confident each time you walk into a work meeting.
What you choose is up to you. The only thing that should be true is that it matters to you now. Not cosmetically. Not theoretically. Not because it sounds impressive. But because it feels salient and useful in your actual life.
Step 2: Select a Resonant/Relevant Wearable Totem
This part is simple. Choose a piece of jewellery — or other wearable — that reliably evokes feelings, qualities, or states relevant to what you’re trying to strengthen.
If you’re working with love, you might choose a heart-shaped ring or pendant. A bracelet with pink stones that makes you feel tenderness. Something gifted by your daughter, for example, that already carries emotional warmth.
If you’re working with confidence, you might choose a robust ring that makes you want to stand tall and take up your rightful space. Or a choker-style necklace whose physical presence feels strong and containing in exactly the right way.
You can see how this works?
I can’t prescribe the shape, colour, or type for you. Perhaps several pieces evoke the same state in different ways. That’s fine.
The only thing that matters is the reliable emotional and embodied connection between you and the Totem you choose. The signal can come through colour, shape, texture, sound, symbolism, memory, weight, or how it feels on your body.
Step 3: Use Your Totem + A.B.C.D.D Heuristic for Experience & Insights
Now that you know what you want to focus on, and what wearable totem you want to use, you bring in the heuristic.
A.B.C.D.D is a moment-to-moment choice aid.
Through repetition it forms a reinforcing loop — but the loop is emergent, not imposed. You don’t “run the loop” like some obedient machine. The loop happens because you’re paying attention.
That distinction is subtle, but crucial. The acronym stands for:
Attend –> Breathe –> Choose –> Do –> Decode
Here’s what that might look like in practice.
You put on your heart ring in the morning, with the intention of living more consciously through love that day. Or you put on your “strong” ring because you know you’ve got a work meeting coming up. Then, every time your attention lands on that piece:
Attend — let your focus land on the item and the meaning it carries.
Breathe — take a breath, or even just a beat, to create space.
Choose — consciously choose the feeling, value, or state you want to bring online.
Do — embody it. Feel it. Let it move through posture, breath, expression, action. Here you might want to have a few actions in mind that are low barrier that you can use quickly.
Decode — notice what happened, as neutrally as possible.
If you’re working with love, perhaps you feel a warm, soft glow in your chest. If you’re working with confidence, perhaps your body goes taller, broader, steadier. There is no right or wrong way to feel this.
The point is simply to notice the relationship between your chosen cue, your intention, your felt response, and your behaviour. Then move on.
The whole A.B.C.D.D loop happens quickly in real life. I’m slowing it down because I have to explain it. But with use, the lines between the stages will blur. You’ll eventually get to: see your heart ring, close your eyes (if safe to do so) and feel a warm hug-like feeling enveloping your heart. While you simultaneously note to yourself — yep that’s goooood!
That’s the work.
The best advice I can offer from experience is — let yourself freestyle this one. Don’t grip. Don’t over-manage. Don’t become the person sitting down to meditate while thinking: “Am I doing this right?”
Trust the process. Have fun succeeding each time. Let the compounding effect of repeated play do its job. If you feel the urge to celebrate — do! Celebration strengthens the anchoring :o)
As You Have Fun Keep These Truths in Mind
Set Your Grip Resonance — this can be as playful or as rigid as you make it. Either way beware: make sure you set the grip strength to what you intentionally would like, or you will default to whatever your environment dictates or asks of you. Meaning — keep it light. Trust the process.
Focus on Play Not Compliance — the point is to have fun. Don’t turn this into a job. Enjoy. Invite. Entice. Explore. Flirt with “what if.” Dress up. Be cheeky. Test in safety. Let your nervous system uptake what is relevant and useful. Your job is to play –> notice –> reflect –> repeat (ABCDD).
Pick Your Poisons — if you choose to record insights (for some personalities that is genuinely useful) do it in a non-cosmetic way. Make your records searchable. Retrievable. Trackable. Otherwise you’re just creating extra complexity without a pay-off.
This is Not the One Tool to Rule Them All — as with all tools… This is the right tool for the right job. It’s brilliant for lighter, ongoing, meaningful behaviour-shaping and identity calibration. It’s not the right tool for every urgent, heavy, or high-stakes problem. Some things require another method. External support. Professional help. Be kind, and most importantly — truthful with yourself about what you need. The tighter the match of tool-to-problem the quicker you’ll solve it.
What Happens Next…
That depends on your wiring. You may try the A.B.C.D.D heuristic and find it’s all you need to start creating real shifts in your day-to-day experience. I’d love that for you.
Or there may be a natural pull to go deeper — to map your pre-programmed traits, understand your lived patterns, and work more intentionally with the full architecture of who you are.
That’s the deeper Inside-Out Self-Design work. But I still want you to start here. Try the thing. See what happens. Get evidence in your own system. Because very often, what looks like serious deeper work is just your mind dressing delay up in respectable clothing.
So — start with play. Then, once you’ve felt something real, come back and go deeper.
For now — enjoy :o)
