… it’s making me find a pace, balanced enough to keep up-cycling my learned anxiety into an “excitement high”. But not so much as to clock over and turn it back into angst…
It’s probably the physicality of the craft and the fact that you can’t run ahead of your hands.
Your mind can race miles ahead, and surf multiple thought waves at the same time (all ineffectively of course), but your hands can only go as fast as they’d go. And the moment you’re not THERE WITH THEM, you f%ck up.
See – wire is unforgiving in that way.
Each time you make a mistake you have to either start again or reverse significantly… most of the time you can’t use the same wire twice. All of the time it’s very frustrating. So pretty soon you learn to be present. To pay attention and zone in!
I imagine the more expensive the materials you work with, the more immersive the creative experience (you wouldn’t want to waste 14-carat gold anything, right…)
So I’m finding out now that I had learned to almost permanently be in a performance anxiety state.
Like I’d imagine it feels when on drugs. Which, to be clear, I’ve not done any outside the smoking and drinking.
Also luckily I claim to have a non-addictive personality ;o) Except for performing… being busy… and wanting EVERYTHING to be done yesterday and perfectly.
So now – I pace myself.
And it’s tough.
And for the moment it’s very mechanical.
I feel the anxiety in my body.
My brain comes in with the question: Name this feeling?
Then another question: Do you have a reason to feel this feeling?
Answer: No – not really, I can only go as fast as my hands will go.
Next question: So if it’s not useful, what you gonna do about it? Use it or let it pass?
Answer: Use it to train me to notice and let go of unnecessary anxiety, so I can enjoy my life more, instead of racing to tick off another task box. Racing for where? What happens when ALL the task boxes are ticked!
Then – yes – I congratulate myself (modestly) for intercepting. And I look forward to the day when this processing method, too, becomes automatic.
On my laptop screen, I have a tiny sticker saying: ENJOY THE PROCESS
Because life IS the process, not the destination. And if you enjoy the process, you’re likely to stay the course long enough to produce the outcome you set out to get to :o)
Before I go back to hammering my next set of… here’s an interview that called in so many truths for me this morning (on top of the context I’m already living).
Have a fantastic day!
Please share what works for you to bring you back in the process enjoyment if you find yourself straying? How you “catch” yourself?
And if you don’t yet – what’s your biggest challenge?
P.S. Stay curious. Never lose your colour & shine…